True Crime Society - Missing at Sea – The Bernstein Family

In this blog, we are going to discuss two separate cases of people who have been thought to have gone missing at sea.

In the first case, an entire family of a mother and her two young sons were last seen getting on a boat in a harbor in Hawaii. The ship’s captain would return later, alone.

The second case is of a woman who was last seen by her boyfriend on their boat. She remains missing over four years later.

THE BERNSTEIN FAMILY

Abigail Bernstein and her two young sons reportedly boarded a boat with its captain in October 2022 at the Ala Wai Yacht Harbor on Oahu, Hawaii and have never been seen or heard from since, the FBI says.

As some background into the people involved, Abigail would now be 33 years old. Her sons are Koa Kai and Kush Kohole. Koa would now be 11 and Kush would be 8.

The father of at least one of the boys is Vander Nelson. We can confirm he is Kush’s father, and based on online posts, it does appear that he is also Koa’s dad/ Both Abigail and Vander posted a lot previously online about their children.

Abigail has been described by law enforcement as someone who “lived a nomadic lifestyle,” “lived off the grid,” cut ties with her family and terminated her last known cellphone service in November 2022, a month after getting on the boat, and whose sons did not attend school.

The FBI have said that it is possible Abigail was/is trying to hide from someone, rather than simply living a “nomadic lifestyle.”

News about the family’s disappearance only emerged this year, despite it being years since they have been heard from. When questioned about why it took so long for the case to become public, the FBI have said they have reached a dead end and now need the public’s assistance.

FBI Honolulu’s Special Agent in Charge Steven Merrill said the Coast Guard contacted the FBI in 2023 after witnesses reported seeing the family get onto the boat at the Ala Wai Yacht Harbor, and although the captain was seen returning with the boat, the family did not return.

After no activity or updates, the FBI saw the need to increase publicity, especially because “two minors are involved, and we have an interest in protecting them,” Merrill said.

FBI agents have interviewed various witnesses, family members and others, including the boat captain, who said the family got seasick and departed his vessel by unknown means, possibly another vessel, but that has not been substantiated, an FBI spokeswoman said. The FBI did not disclose the captain’s name.

There are many online comments indicating that the boat captain is a man named Donald Lang.

In March 2023, Donald was reported missing. In an article from October 2023, it was reported that Donald had been found safe. Donald and his boat, a 55 foot sailboat called ‘Ishi’ were found in the Hawaiian islands.

“Just arrived 348 days non stop; about 16,000 miles,” Lang wrote on TikTok. After we shared the Coast Guard’s concerns about Ishi and published a ‘Lectronic Latitude in March where some readers weren’t shy to comment from their armchairs about the apparent condition of Ishi — including wondering if she had a list — Lang himself commented on that story three days ago:

“Thanks for the heartfelt concern. I was fine, and everyone knew I packed for a year offshore. And they knew not to worry unless a year’s gone by. I love it at sea and it’s where I like to be.”

On TikTok, Lang was a bit more pointed: “Who’s the asshole that reported me missing? Can’t an old salt get some peace and quiet?”

Donald Lang and ‘Ishi’ Return to Port Safely After 348 Days at Sea

Steven Merrill said the FBI does not know whether foul play is involved. There had been no indication anything was wrong at the time. It was thought that they were leaving the state.

He also said the boat captain is a person of interest but has not been arrested or charged with any crime.

The FBI also interviewed Vander, Abigail’s ex/baby daddy. According to court documents, Abigail was said to be afraid of Vander.

Court records show Abigail filed for and obtained two temporary restraining orders against Vander.

The last petition for a TRO was filed Oct. 29, 2019, on Maui. There was no proof of service of the TRO on Vander until five months later.

Court minutes dated March 16, 2020, say that “petitioner requests to dismiss the petition. She feels safe since he’s not on the island. The court will leave TRO in place until it expires.”

The last entry, on March 27, 2020, in the minutes says the TRO was served March 25, 2020, on Vander.

Neither Abigail or Vander have a serious criminal history. Vander was convicted in 2013 for failure to appear. Thisa petty misdemeanor, for which he was fined $100.

Abigail was cited in 2018 for unauthorized camping on the shoreline in Olowalu, Maui.

Steven said the family has been cooperative with the FBI, but he did not know what caused her to cut ties with her family.

Abigail’s parents live on Maui, and she also has other connections on Hawaii island, Kauai and Maui. She has other family members living on the mainland, with ties to California; Naples, Fla.; Petoskey, Mich.; and Lancaster, Pa.

Abigail is 6’2 and she also goes by the names Abi, Avi, Avigayil, Abigayil and Ovi.

Anyone with information on the Bernstein family’s whereabouts is urged to call the FBI’s Honolulu field office at 808-673-2719 or the FBI’s toll-free tip line at 800-CALL-FBI (800-225-5324). You also can contact your local FBI office or the nearest American Embassy consulate, or submit a tip online at tips.fbi.gov.

SARM HESLOP

The second case we will discuss is that of missing woman Sarm Heslop. Sarm is a British woman who went missing from a catamaran in the US Virgin Islands in March 2021. She was reported missing by her boyfriend. Not suspicious at all.

Sarm was born on 19 December 1979 to parents Brenda Street and Peter Heslop.. She was from Southampton in England.

According to media reports, Sarm worked as a flight attendant for the airline FlyBe. Sarm was then hired as a chef to work on day charters around the Caribbean. She was said to be experienced on the water and had previously sailed across the Atlantic.

Sarm’s boyfriend was Ryan Bane. Ryan was originally from Michigan and had moved to the US Virgin Islands. Ryan owned a 47 foot long catamaran named Siren Song. He chartered the boat out for $2,000 per day.

The couple allegedly met on Tinder in 2020.

Ryan had been married before. His ex-wife Cori Stevenson has alleged that Ryan was abusive to her. According to Oxygen, there was an incident in November 2011. The couple had been driving home from a wedding. Cori has said that she was driving and Ryan, who had been drinking, fell asleep. She needed directions to get home, so she tried to wake him. Ryan was angry when he woke up, he used ‘abusive language’ towards her and began “kicking at the dashboard, radio and gearshift of the vehicle,” she told deputies.

She told deputies that after they got home, Ryan “dragged her out of the truck.” After the couple was inside, she told deputies that he “grabbed her in the dining room, threw her to the ground, and smashed her head into the floor, chipping one of her teeth.”

She fought him off and was able to escape to the laundry room where she called 911.

Deputies arrived to find her right ear lobe “bloody and scratched,” red scratches along her right shoulder and neck and a scratched right eyelid. The shirt of her collar had also been stretched and torn, according to the report.

“She states that Ryan has been becoming increasingly verbally abusive toward her, and that he has been physically abusive one time previously,” the arresting deputy wrote.

Ryan told authorities a different story. He said Cori had been the one to drag him out of the car. He claimed once inside their home, she yelled at him, threw objects at him in the kitchen and attacked him; however, authorities noted in the report that some of the evidence discovered at the scene did not seem to support that narrative.

In terms of what is confirmed in Sarm’s case, we know that she and Ryan went to dinner on the island of Saint John on 7 March 2021, which was a Sunday. They went to a venue called 420 for Center.

Sarm had been seen by another couple on a boat earlier that day. She and Ryan had been spotted on Siren Song, so we know she was alive then. The other couple said that all appeared calm on board of Sarm’s boat.

The island was under a Covid curfew at the time. Due to this, Sarm and Ryan should have left the restaurant by 10pm that night and gone back to their boat.

Siren Song was moored in Cruz Bay, which was around 200 feet (61 metres) from the shore. Ryan and Sarm would have had to have taken a dinghy to get to the catamaran.

Ryan would later tell police that Sarm was asleep by 10pm on March 7. He said that by 2.30am on March 8, she had disappeared from the boat. He apparently woke at this time as the anchor alarm had gone off.

At some point after this, Ryan took the dinghy back to the island to report that Sarm was missing. The police there advised him to call the coastguard. Ryan did not do this until 11.45am. By that point, Sarm had been gone for 9 hours.

Sarm’s friend Andrew Baldwin spoke to the BBC. He indicates that the call to police was made by Ryan at 2.30am.

“At 02:30 there was a call made to the police by Ryan Bane, to suggest or say that Sarm had fallen overboard, and the police at that point advised for the coastguard to be called.

“That call to the coastguard then took a further nine hours… What happened in the intervening hours?”

Sarm’s father would later say “It just drives me nuts. What happened between 02:00 and 11:45 in the morning? He didn’t shout and holler – he didn’t ask for nobody, he just made a phone call to the police. There’s just no answers.”

All of Sarm’s belongings, including her phone, passport and credit cards had been left on the boat. She appeared to have had nothing on her person when she disappeared.

According to the BBC, Ryan’s boat was never searched in relation to Sarm’s disappearance. He has also apparently never been questioned by police.

The coastguard did board the boat when Ryan called them to make the missing person report for Sarm, but no search was conducted.

Ryan refused to allow authorities onto the boat after that, at the advice of his attorney. Local police did apparently issue him citations for not allowing them on, as well as for not having registration papers and for safety equipment violations. All of these citations were for civil matters.

Toby Derima, a spokesman for the Virgin Islands Police, said at the time that authorities were doing everything they could to investigate Sarm’s disappearance and that they were also trying to get access to the boat.

“We are doing everything we can to get on the boat,” Derima said, according to The Telegraph. “We have to have an actual reason. Just him being the last person [to see Heslop]—isn’t considered enough probable cause. Detectives know what they need to have probable cause. The court isn’t going to give them the warrant they need.”

Ryan’s attorney did tell the media that the boat had been searched. David Cattie, told Fox News that Ryan traveled to meet with Virgin Islands Police to give them a statement the morning Sarm disappeared and that “multiple USCG officers” boarded the boat and “conducted a search of the vessel for Ms. Heslop later that morning.”

“Ryan’s thoughts are with Sarm and her family at this time, and he is praying for her safe return,” The attorney said.

David Cattie also represented Ghislaine Maxwell.

Police searched the coastline with dogs, divers and drones. No trace of Sarm was found.

Nine days after Sarm vanished, a local came forward to say that they had heard a scream at sea.

The FBI joined the search for Sarm, two weeks after she vanished.

One of the theories was that Sarm may have come to harm while going for a swim.

A family friend said that Sarm was “level-headed [and a] strong swimmer,” adding that she couldn’t understand why she would “…get out of bed to go for a swim between the hours of 10:30 and one o’clock in the morning. I know she wouldn’t.”

Another friend said “She is one of the most organised people I know. This is someone who sailed across the Atlantic without incident, only to disappear 100-foot from shore. The pieces in the puzzle don’t add up.”

In November 2021, Ryan put the boat up for sale for $229,000. He removed the name from the boat before trying to sell it.

https://www.denisonyachtsales.com/yachts-for-sale/siren-song-47-catalina

An unnamed source spoke to the media at the time. “No one buying this boat would realise its significance or that it could be a major piece of evidence in the police investigation.

“It feels like Sarm is being airbrushed from history.

“It’s very frustrating. We all feel useless and have no idea what to do next.”

According to the advertisement, the sale is due to the owner having “moved on to land”.

There is no confirmed information about the boat being sold, but according to the NY Post in March 2024 it ‘is believed to have been sold.’

Cori, Ryan’s ex-wife, spoke to the media after Sarm vanished. She said that she and Ryan were married in 2008 and that his demeanour towards her changed immediately after their wedding. She said she even cut their honeymoon short because she feared for her safety. She confirmed that the couple divorced in 2014.

In November 2022, Sarm’s family said that the Virgin Islands Police Department showed them CCTV footage of Ryan and Sarm in the restaurant, the night she went missing. The family have said that the police stopped the footage before it ended and refused to show them the rest. Police said this was in case the rest of the video could be prejudicial to a future court case.

Sarm’s family have said that the clothing she was wearing in this footage is not what witnesses had described her as being seen in. Witnesses said she had been wearing a black dress with flowers on it, but in the footage she was wearing a top and either a skirt or shorts. The dress with the flowers was not amongst belongings that would eventually be returned to Sarm’s family.

I guess the insinuation of this is maybe the footage was from another night?

Some articles have reported that there is no/limited CCTV available due to a power outage at the restaurant venue.

Over the years, there have been articles about Sarm’s disappearance and her family have tried to keep her case in the media.

A NY Post article from March 2024 indicates that it was discovered that Ryan replaced the freezer in the boat after Sarm’s disappearance.

David Johnston, a decorated former London homicide squad commander and hostage negotiator, is assisting Heslop’s parents free of charge.

“We know he went to Grenada afterwards and had the freezer replaced on the boat. Why?” said David. “We know he had other parts of the forecabin replaced. Why?”

David also said at the time “Sarm likely is dead, and her death was untimely and could have been a murder,” he said. “It could’ve been an accident, but no one will speak with us.”

He said he first offered his assistance to Sarm’s parents about 18 months ago and tried to engage USVI Gov. Albert Bryan Jr. and Virgin Islands Police Commissioner Ray Martinez. But he was unable to get results and says they’d stopped responding to the family and his own attempts at making contact.

“I’ve been spun along for the last 15 months by the governor and Ray Martinez, who said, ‘You’re welcome to come and look at the seat, but we’re not going to talk about the inquiry. It’s an active investigation, and we don’t discuss active investigations,” Johnston said.

“OK, so what are you doing, actually? ‘Oh, we can discuss that.’ Well, there is nothing being done actively.”

“At very minimum, [Bane] should have been interviewed under caution,” he added, referring to the British version of a Miranda warning.

“Who knows what happened on that boat?” he asked. “But from my experience of 30 years of being a cop, he is a person of significant interest, and he has some questions to answer. And until he does that, he should remain as the most likely suspect in her disappearance and possible death.”

In July 2024, Police Commissioner Ray Martinez resigned from his position.

Local reports said that he wais being investigated over misuse of funds relating to a security contract awarded to his force.

Government house communications director, Richard Motta Jr, said in a statement: “The administration has been informed that Ray Martinez, the commissioner of the Virgin Islands Police Department, is implicated in an ongoing federal investigation.

“Adhering to our zero-tolerance policy against corruption, the governor has accepted Mr Martinez’s resignation to ensure the integrity of our law enforcement efforts.”

Brenda, Sarm’s mother, spoke to the Independent about corruption in the area. She said: “I think corruption on the island has affected this case. There are too many things that don’t make sense and don’t add up. When we went to the island people wouldn’t speak to us about Sarm and on the posters asking for information someone had gone round and scrubbed out the number to call.

“I know it could be to do with protecting tourism but listen – my beautiful daughter has gone missing and I don’t give a s*** about how it affects tourism.”

Ryan has since moved back to Michigan and is apparently training to become a pilot.

In 2024, Ryan was confronted at a gym in Michigan. A man began taking pictures of him and asked if he’d “killed anyone lately.”