True Crime Society - The murder/suicide of the ‘Wife Swap’ Stockdale family

This blog is going to discuss the 2017 murders of Kathryn Stockdale and her son James. The perpetrator was another of Kathryn’s sons, Jacob. After the murders, he tried to kill himself by a gunshot wound to the head but he recovered and was charged.

The Stockdale family appeared in a 2008 episode of Wife Swap. Due to that, we know a lot about their background.

If you’re not familiar with the show, this is info from IMDB:

Wife Swap is an American series that deliberately swaps wives with dramatically different lifestyles, such as a messy wife swapping with a fastidiously neat one, or a wife who only cooks vegan swapped with a non vegan wife, documenting the cultural and social differences that the two families discover with the new family member.

When a wife would swap to their new family, they would leave a ‘manual’ behind for the incoming wife. The Stockdale Family Manual is online and linked here. It was written by Kathryn it seems.

WELCOME TO OUR HOME!

We’re not just a family we’re a band – the ‘Stockdale Family Band’. We play bluegrass in barn dances and shin-digs all over our area. We have Calvin on banjo, Charles on mandolin, Jacob on fiddle, and James on upright bass. Tim, my husband, is on guitar and I’m the manager. A family that plays together stays together and there’s nothing so wholesome as playing old time bluegrass with your favorite people; your family.

We moved to the country to get the boys away from the city. Our children are being raised away from violent language, sexual influences, drinking, smoking, drugs, rap music all the things we left behind in the city. Instead we are raising our children on a diet of wholesome activities and farm work; keeping their minds pure and their bodies healthy and keeping out the influences of modern society. That is why we home-school.

Children need structure, and there’s plenty of structure in this house. Our boys know what they are supposed to be doing from sun-up to sun down. They are busy doing chores, running the farm, doing schoolwork and, of course, practicing for performances. Everything they need is here on the farm with their family.

Processed and fast foods are forbidden. Food is nourishment for the mind as well as the body so it’s important to eat right. We mostly only eat foods that we grow or we buy from local farmers, that way we know it’s healthy and natural. I give my boys a large spoonful of cod-liver oil after dinner to keep their hearts and minds strong.

TV and video games are banned. They produce redundant minds and lazy children. I want my boys to be active, productive and busy every waking moment. Internet access is restricted there’s no idle surfing in this house. Instead we enjoy spending time reading to each other, playing music or story-telling.

The boys are not encouraged to date until they are ready to get married. They need to concentrate on building the right foundations for a healthy and moral life NOT thinking about girls. There is plenty of time to worry about that when they have found their bride-to-be and are ready to settle down.

Our motto is: ‘it might be a hard life but it’s a good life’.

We are the Stockdale Family: Kathy (44), Tim (48), Calvin (19), Charles (16), Jacob (15), James (11) – ages as of 2008.

The manual is very long but as a summary –

The family had very traditional roles. Kathy cooked and cleaned and ran the house. ‘I stay at home so that I can shape the way they grow up and how they are influenced. It is important for children to have boundaries. They will have to live in a world that has rules and if they don’t learn to comply now they’re going to have a harder time later in life.’
She also homeschooled the boys. ‘Homeschooling the boys means that they are not affected by outside influences and are able to grow up in a safe and wholesome environment.’
Tim ran the farm with the boys. He also had a full time job outside the home.

In the manual, Kathy spoke about how she met Tim.

Both Tim and I went to college and studied ‘agriculture’. That’s where we met each other in agronomy club and started to date before getting married.

Although I dated when I was at college I don’t want my boys to date until they are ready to get married. Charles is already asking questions about it so I sit down with him and explain that it is not the best thing to do just yet. Teenagers can suffer emotional traumas or even diseases by focusing their lives on dating too early. I remember wasting so much of my time on dating that now that I look back it just seems so pointless. When they have established themselves then they can go out looking but not until then.

She also really re-emphasised her parenting values.

I try to limit the amount of influence the 21st century has on my boys so that they can grow up in a wholesome and carefree manner. Video games, TV and dating are all banned in this house. I want my boys to concentrate on the good things in life like family unity, music and education.

Not allowing my boys to watch television and play video games is one of the sole reasons they are who they are today. I am always asked how I get the boys to be so interested in playing instruments, itÕs more like how do I stop them from playing all the time. Their daily lives are not distracted with modern technological obstacles that entertain them to death. I always say if itÕs fun it doesn’t mean you have to do it.

I am the disciplinarian in the house but Tim backs me up.

Kathy was asked if her children were well behaved in the manual and she said

‘My boys are very well behaved just like we have raised them.’

She also spoke about house rules:

Do you have house rules?

The first rule of this house is to obey your parents. Teaching the boys respect is vital in this modern world where so many children disrespect adults. We don’t tolerate any of the boys hurting each other physically or verbally and insist that if they make a mess they clean it up.

The Stockdale family were from Bolivar, Ohio. The family they appeared on Wife Swap with were the Tonkovic family from Illinois.

The family consisted of Laurie, 45, and her husband John, 52, and their two kids Paul, 21, and Meghan, 17.

This article about the episode is from CantonRep.com:

She swaps families with Kathy Stockdale, 44, of Ohio, a woman with whom she has little in common.

The Tonkovic children’s boyfriend and girlfriend live with them, though they sleep in different rooms in the basement. The family has a modeling daughter and a son who is an aspiring rapper.

The more conservative Stockdales live on a 150-year-old farm and have taught their four sons skills such as clog-dancing, growing vegetables and raising animals for meat, according to an ABC press release. The Stockdale boys rarely mingle with outsiders, and dating is out of the question.

“I would never want to live their lifestyle. I was amazed people really live like this,” Laurie said.

This info about the episode is from a reddit write up about this case, linked below in sources:

Kathy swapped places with Laurie Tonkovic, a mother from a chaotic, permissive urban household in Illinois. The contrast could not have been starker: Laurie’s children were allowed to party, shirk chores, and pursue romantic relationships freely, while Kathy’s boys lived under strict rules and constant supervision. The show’s producers, known for amplifying drama, crafted scenarios designed to provoke conflict and highlight the extremes of both families’ lifestyles.

During the swap, Kathy was appalled by the Tonkovics’ lack of discipline, while Laurie was disturbed by what she saw as the Stockdales’ stifling control. Laurie later claimed that Jacob, then a teenager, was so distressed by the introduction of television and video games that he ran outside crying, terrified that he would “burn in hell” for breaking his parents’ rules. Laurie believed the Stockdale children were denied the ability to make choices and experience normal childhood freedoms.

After the Cameras: Public Scrutiny and Family Life

When the episode aired in 2008, both families faced public backlash. The Stockdales were criticized for their rigid parenting, with some viewers accusing Kathy and Tim of emotional abuse. The family, however, seemed unfazed by the controversy. Kathy even promoted the episode on her blog, and the band continued to perform, capitalizing on their newfound notoriety.

After their Wife Swap appearance, life went on for the Stockdale’s. The older boys Calvin and Charles went to college and started their own families.

Kathy kept a blog for awhile and the last entries were from 2011:

May 2011

What’s Doin’ with the Family and the Farm?

Rain has kept us out of the garden, but I have everything from allium onions to zucchini seedlings waiting under cover for their day in the sun….Kinda like what I have felt like all winter and spring…how about you?

We especially look forward to celebrating Calvin’s wedding this month! But first Miss Katie graduates from Hillsdale College and THEN we send them off into marital bliss. They both are counting the days.

By 2017, just Jacob and James were still living on the family farm.

On June 15, 2017, police responded to the Stockdale farm on Dolphin Street in Bolivar just after 4pm. They were there to investigate a 911 hang up call.

This is a summary of the police report about the incident:

Two deputies arrived on scene and noticed a dog pacing back and forth from the driveway to the front door. The dog was whining.
One officer walked up to the front door and noticed a person laying on his back. The officer was about to check the condition of the person when he heard a gunshot.
The deputies ran back to their vehicles and got their weapons.
More law enforcement arrived on the scene and they all entered the house. One male was found laying near the front door with a gunshot wound – a shotgun was laying by his side.
There was another individual laying on the floor in the kitchen with a gunshot wound.
A third person was found on the floor in an upstairs bathroom. That person also had a gunshot wound.
Timothy Stockdale arrived at the scene while police were there and was taken to a neighbor’s house.

Kathy who was 54 at that time, and her son James (21) were shot dead. Jacob (25) shot himself in the head and was critically injured but alive.

Jacob was hospitalised and underwent multiple surgeries.

Funerals for Kathy and James were held on June 24, 2017.

These are some interesting excerpts from their obituaries:

Kathy’s love of learning led her to continuously seek knowledge and wisdom, freely sharing them with others. She focused on Christ and family and fully embraced her role as mother and grandmother. As the Canton area Weston A. Price Foundation chapter leader, Kathy was a champion of local sustainable agriculture, food freedom, health, and homesteading.

Kathy pursued a classical liberal arts education for her sons through homeschooling. She was a wonderful teacher committed to discerning truth and the pursuit of learning. She never shied away from a spirited discussion, encouraging the boys to engage in debate both in class and at home. While teaching certainly took place in the classroom, it permeated everything she did with her sons. Kathy passionately pursued her sons’ betterment through education not only in the standard subjects, but through her passion for their health, spiritual growth, and political and economic philosophy.

She married Timothy C. Stockdale in 1985, and they dedicated their 32 years together to providing a loving home and strong foundation for their four sons, Calvin J. (Katie) Stockdale of Hillsdale, MI, Charles M. Stockdale of Philadelphia, PA, Jacob T. Stockdale of Bolivar, Ohio, and James W. Stockdale, who rests with his mother in the arms of their Lord.

James William Stockdale, 21, died on Thursday, June 15th at his home outside of Bolivar, Ohio. James was the youngest son of Kathryn B. and Timothy C. Stockdale. Born at home in Canton, Ohio on March 4, 1996, James grew up on the family farm in Bolivar. He was homeschooled, enjoyed competitive speech and debate, and was elected “Governor of Ohio” in the statewide TeenPact policy program.

James loved playing banjo, guitar, and upright bass with his father and brothers in the Stockdale Family Band. He also studied Business Administration at Kent State with the goal of pursuing a career in entertainment management.

With his ready smile, great sense of humor, and outgoing personality, James was a well-known catalyst for family fun. He enjoyed dancing, skiing, farming, fishing, hunting, and camping, displaying an innate love of nature. He easily made new friends wherever he went and leaves behind many friends and family who love him dearly.

Jacob was listed in both obituaries.

Calvin Stockdale made multiple statements after the murders.

“James, our youngest brother, has always been a catalyst of family fun. Aside from being a gifted musician, James enjoyed dancing and had an innate love of people. James was working on a business degree and hope to go into the business side of entertainment. He leaves behind many friends and a family that love him dearly.”

“My brother, Jacob, is still in critical condition and we are praying for his physical recovery as our family makes funeral plans and begins the healing process.”

“I don’t know why Jacob did what he did last week, but I do know he is my brother; I speak for our family when I say we love him and forgive him. The prayers and support for my family have been deeply appreciated and we ask for continued prayers for Jacob’s healing — body, mind, and spirit.”

Timothy also made a statement:

“Kathy has been my beloved wife of 32 years and a wonderful mother to our four sons. She loved nothing more than being a mother and grandmother. She had a strong love of learning and was passionate about her Christian faith, natural health, and organic farming.”

Jacob remained in hospital until 2018. In October 2018, he turned himself in after learning grand jurors had indicted him on murder charges.

At the time, Jacob pleaded not guilty to the two murder counts. He was also charged with a firearm specification, according to a statement from the Stark County Sheriff’s Office.

“It is our hope that this arrest offers some closure to the Stockdale family and the entire community,” explained Stark County Sheriff George Maier in the statement.

The Stark County Prosecutor’s Office said in court records Jacob purposefully killed his mother by shooting her in the back of the head and face and purposefully killed his brother by shooting him in the face.

A .20-gauge, single-shot shotgun was used in both killings, according to prosecutors.

After he was taken into custody, Jacob underwent multiple competency examinations. In January 2019, his attorney told the judge he planned to file a plea for his client of not guilty by reason of insanity.

In 2021, Jacob was ruled competent to stand trial after a psychologist ruled that Jacob was clinically sane when he committed the murders.

The trial was delayed due to the pandemic and began in May 2021.

It never went ahead though, because Jacob changed his plea. He pleaded guilty to two murder counts and two firearms specification charges were dismissed.

In April 2021, Jacob – who was then 28- was sentenced to 30 years to life in prison for the murders of his mother and brother.